Handler
It was winter, and snowdrifts
covered the frozen fens.
Dogs, harnesses, gangline, sled.
In a rush of steaming yips and howls
you pulled the hook, and
ran free.
The dogs quieted, tuglines taut.
The sled creaked and hummed over the trail.
Gripping the handlebar,
you shuffled your feet,
dancing on the rails behind them.
Later, a clearing, and a moose carcass,
its stripped thorax opened,
a bowl to the sky,
the stained snow packed by rims of ravens
and wolf tracks.
The dogs sped up, turned heads
and veered, noses
working the air.
“On by!” you yelled, voice edged
with false confidence.
You knew the risk
and they listened,
bemused, but agreeable,
turning back onto the trail.
Long after the snows melted,
you circled another thorax.
Not a carcass, but a daughter,
born a season too soon.
You watched, not certain
you could handle her
or yourself.
Her tiny form
breathed with effort,
her body
vibrated in your hands.
“On by” became your mantra
on that long, bony trail.
You hid behind it, even as she grew.
You let go of the sled.
You avoided the dance.
There’s no need to dwell on
what’s been missed,
no need to question past decisions.
Sometimes, avoiding risk is the right thing to do.
Sometimes, it is not,
like now.
Now is your time to
trust,
to re-become.
Step off this well-worn trail.
Follow your nose, free up your feet.
Veer.
You are not the handler of her, your child.
You are not the flagging moose, either.
You are one of us,
you offer much more than a thorax.
Listen for our padded feet
landing, pressing, lifting as we
run in shared love
of the run.
Listen for our call, and answer it
your way.
We will hear you,
for you are
the tender handler
of this run.
Dear Tricia, I read this to myself last night and was stunned. I just read it aloud to Anna, who is obsessed with huskies and determined to become an Alaskan musher one day. And now I can appreciate some of the sounds you created. I really love the “Listen for our padded feet…” part. Nice to think of ourselves as tender handlers. Love you.
Oh, Meg. I would love to meet Anna and share a little husky running love with her someday. Maybe. Thank you for this.